Cosmic Cheeseburger

May 4, 1987. It was a typical day in Hamville. Everyone was going about the business of preparing food, serving food, or eating food. No one knew what was coming.

It was the height of the dinner hour. A shrill whine could just be detectable. People decided they were imagining it and continued preparing/serving/eating. The sound grew in volume. People began to look around casually, noticed other people looking around casually, went back to preparing/serving/eating. The sound grew still louder. People could no longer ignore it, and stopped their preparing/serving/eating to try to see what was going on. When it became apparent that the sound was coming from outside, they poured out of the restaurants to see what was happening.

The sound was now deafening, and coming from the sky. When everyone looked up, they saw a bright streak of light plummeting towards the ground. The screams of the townspeople were completely drowned by the approaching object as it fell, and crashed with a massive explosion on the eastern edge of town.

The official search party (which included just about everyone in town that night) found a giant craft that seemed to have crashed on the edge of a field. The craft was silver and very smooth. It was unlike anyone had ever seen before, with its array of lights, windows, propulsion systems, and various other objects unknown to planet Earth. It didn't take long to surmise that it was from outer space.

When a door finally opened, a tall purple man emerged. At least, it resembled a man in most respects, other than its eyes where its mouth should be, and its mouth where its eyes should be. Plus, it had four arms. And pointy ears. And it seemed to be glowing. And it had seven fingers on each hand. And its feet resembled flippers. And it had wings. But otherwise, just like a man. That was purple.

No one spoke the alien's language, nor did the alien seem to be able to communicate with the residents of Hamville. However, a crude communication system was worked out over the next few months, and it was discovered that the aliens were lost in the wrong galaxy, had run out of gas, and had mistaken Earth for a planet that previously had had instellar connections. They had misjudged the atmospheric qualities, and had crashed.

They were anxious to get home, but unfortunately, it was estimated that it would cost more than quadruple the entire Earth's economy to get their ship working again. The planet could not afford to bankrupt itself for these visitors, and so they were stuck.

Well, if you're stuck for what seems like eternity in Hamville, what do you do?

Cosmic Cheeseburger opened in the alien spacecraft in June of 1989. The aliens offered all kinds of food, including a lot of recipes from their native planet of Thlunk (about forty-six million light years from Hamville). They, of course, had to make some substitutions in the ingredients, not having Snorks or Pitterpees here, but they found great use for mosquitoes and skunks.

They also perfected some Earthly fare, including their cheeseburgers. Now, I can't speak for the rest of the universe, but I will say their cheeseburgers are the best on this planet.

The Thlunkians have mastered English by now, and still serve their food. After almost nineteen years on Earth, they excitedly report that they have nearly earned a trillionth of the money it will take to fix their ship and fly home. They may get there eventually...apparently their life expectancy is several million times what ours is. In the meantime, go for a dining experience that is literally out of this world.

Well, I guess not exactly literally out of this world, since it is on this world. It's just the food is out of this world. But, since they use Earthly ingredients, maybe it's of this world after all. Maybe...you know what? Just go.