VS

After a wait of about 15 minutes, the man at the front desk informed us that our table was ready, then told us confidentially that we were getting special treatment and should repay him by voting for Lynyrd Skynyrd. The woman walking us to our table told us that the man at the front desk said that to everyone and that we should get even with him by voting for Queen. Our waiter told us the specials and promised to rush them through the kitchen if we voted for Queen. A random busboy kept walking by the table, refilling our water, and waxing philosophic about the joys of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Across the room, we saw two employees get into a heated debate about the artistic merits of the rock epics “Freebird” and “Bohemian Rhapsody.” And, to top it all off, the Vernon brothers themselves both came by the table to make sure everything was OK, and to campaign for their favorite band - for the record, Jonas was rooting for Skynyrd, and Elijah was pro-Queen.

All in all, a typical night at VS*. Fiercely competitive, Jonas and Elijah Vernon grew up bickering with one another about everything. As children, Elijah would want peanut butter and Jonas would insist on balogna. Jonas wanted to watch Looney Tunes, Elijah wanted to watch Mickey Mouse. As they grew, their argument subjects became more sophisticated, but the disagreements were the same. Movies, sports teams, current events, actresses, music, etc., they disputed everything. Really, they didn’t even care what they were arguing about - their only agreement was to disagree about everything else.

As adults, Elijah and Jonas remained close but still remained contrary to one another. Jonas voted Democrat, Elijah voted Republican. Elijah married, Jonas vowed to remain a bachelor. Jonas drove a foreign car, Elijah insisted on domestic. And they continued to argue.

Finally, one of them came up with an idea. History will never know exactly who came up with it...true to form, both brothers take credit. However it happened, Jonas and Elijah Vernon made one of the few agreements they ever made - to open a restaurant dedicated to the argument.

Their competitive concept was fairly simple, but at the same time, it was fairly complex. Every day would feature a new argument between musical legends, in a tournament style set-up. They picked 64 different artists/bands and pitted them against each other in pairs. That very first round featured such match-ups as the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones, Peter Gabriel vs. Phil Collins, the Doobie Brothers vs. the Allman Brothers, Aerosmith vs. U2. Brackets were put up to cover both the eastern and western walls (according to legend, the Vernons couldn’t agree on which wall to put the bracket on, and thus made their first ever compromise by using both walls). The winner of the tournament would be inducted into the VS Hall Of Fame. Then, a new tournament would start.

It was an amazing success. Employees quickly polarized themselves, realizing how much fun it was to bicker and get paid for it. Diners would come and get in on the fun by voting with their check at the end of the night. Elijah and Jonas made it a point to be there every single night, more to make sure the other didn’t sneak something than anything. A deejay came in to play the music of both artists of the night. With a grand total of 63 match-ups (32 in the first round, 16 in the second, 8 in the third, 4 in the fourth, 2 in the fifth, and 1 in the final), the tournament ended up taking exactly nine weeks.

The first tournament went off without a hitch, with the Beatles defeating Queen in the final to become the first inductee into the VS Hall Of Fame**. However, the second tournament threatened to undo the already tenuous partnership. Elijah wanted to use a whole new batch of artists, so the patrons would not get bored. But Jonas wanted to reuse many of the artists from the original tournament, remembering how difficult it was to decide on 64 the first time.

A stalemate might have destroyed everything. Fortunately, the Vernon’s mutual friend Stan Durd stepped in with a possible compromise. What if, for the second tournament, they come up with some new artists as well as some old artists (maybe the ones who had done very well in the previous tournament) and set it up that way. Then, for the next tournament, use a different concept.

Grudgingly, the Vernons decided the only way to succeed was to work together, and agreed to Durd's proposal. The second tournament was won by the Queen over The Beach Boys, and the third tournament began using movies. VS installed TV screens all over the restaurant for the process. Patrons were treated to various movie clips, with pauses in between each to allow for debate by the staff. Again, it worked.

In the five years of existence of VS, about thirty tournaments have been staged, using a variety of different mediums - music, movies, television, sports teams, actors, actresses, comic strips, and a brief experimental tournament where they had competing food styles.*** The Hall Of Fame is quite diverse now, with such greats as Humphey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, M*A*S*H, and Calvin & Hobbes looking out at the diners.

For the experience, VS is a wonderful place for the competitive geek in all of us. Food is usually standard American style, with burgers, sandwiches, steaks, southwestern cooking, salads, soups, and bread. You’ll meet the Vernons when you go, still quibbling over the littlest things, but it seems clear that they’re doing it with a good deal more civility than in the past.

*No one knows exactly how this name is supposed to be pronounced. Elijah pronounces it “Vees”, as in the initial of the Vernon’s last name. Jonas says “Versus.”
**Paul McCartney himself is said to have been “amused” at the concept and honor when he visited Hamville on tour.
***The set-up of this tournament was to have two major food styles - Italian, Chinese, Thai, Mexican, Greek, Indian, Japanese, or American - on the menu each night. The one that got ordered more would advance. The Vernons worked out a deal with the Global Village to have chefs come and prepare dishes for the night their food was featured. The tournament only took a week - the first round took four days, the second round took two, and the final took one (Italian beat out Chinese). The idea was so unique and such a departure that diners loved it, and the Vernons now plan to have a one week food tournament annually.